Hurricane
by spidermonkey17
Summary: Stop it! Please!" I shouted. He growled at me as he came forward. "You think I want to be like this, Bella!" My eyes widened in terror before I saw nothing...and I was finally numb.
1. Hurricane

**I just had to write…and it came out like this. **

The days are blurring together in one, slow, sure mess.

I never know if the sun is setting or rising.

I never know what I feel.

I never know how to win.

I never know what to do.

I never know if I want to try.

I _know _that I feel numb.

Numb…it's a funny word that means different things to different people.

Numb means nothing. You feel nothing, but if you feel nothing then you have to be feeling something.

Or you're numb in retaliation to a feeling you had before. Numbness is retribution. It comes and goes with things that you feel. You have to feel something before going numb.

Therefore, no one is truly numb.

But then, again, some people _do_ just go through the motions of living.

Eating when they have to eat, walking when they have to walk, and breathing when they need to breath.

People who go through motions without a second thought are considered numb, but maybe that's just the way they are made up. Maybe, they don't give it a second thought because that's all they've ever known.

But what's the difference between wanting and needing? Does anyone know? Has anyone ever known?

Wanting is lusting and hoping for something you don't have. You'd die to have the person or object.

Needing is essential. You _need_ water and food and love.

But needing and wanting are just like being numb. It all depends on the person's perspective. Or their views on life.

Then…there is love. Love. The most powerful four letter word in this whole mess we call life. It is thrown around so lightly these days that no one seems to even know what it means anymore, or the power it holds. Love is shown as an all consuming passion, but we who live it know it's anything but. Love is harsh and long and hard.

Love is confusing and hurtful. Especially when you have no idea if anyone even loved you to begin with.

People always tell me that someone out there loves you. There will always be someone out there in some place that loves you.

I've come to the conclusion that that's not true.

**I don't even know. **


	2. The Only One

**Don't ask me where this is going, because I don't know. At all. But I am continuing this story. I saw too many options. **

I'm the only one who thinks I'm going crazy.

Everyone says that I'll get over it and that I'll be "just fine."

Well, they obviously haven't lost Edward Cullen before.

I don't want to be "just fine."

I want to be happy.

Happy is a lot like being numb.

Happiness is subjective to the person in question.

Happiness isn't an option. Not anymore. Not for me.

I'm just one of those people going through the motions, slowly going crazy.

But no one believes me. I guess I shouldn't expect them to. I _am_ a bit of a drama queen.

I'm pretty sure I don't see or feel anything anymore.

But I'm not numb because when I think of him. Of Edward. I lose it. I can't go through the motions.

I have to stop and cry and not breathe and not walk. I have to think about what I did that made him go away. I wrack my brain for an answer, never finding one.

We had been happy. Together.

We had been good. Together.

Of course, like any other couple we had our ups and our downs.

But unlike any other couple, we were completely and utterly in love with each other. I was obsessed with him and him with me. Though, I never understood that last part.

I loved that he ran his hand through hair left hand when he was nervous. Or he'd smirk at me crookedly when he was up to something.

He played the piano so well that I wanted to cry whenever I heard him play or compose.

He teased me relentlessly about wearing converse with a dress. He would tease me until I cried put of anger and then comfort me afterward.

He didn't believe in saying 'I love you' unless it was important. He believed that actions spoke louder than words. He told me he loved me more than that eight lettered phrase. That I deserved more.

Then, there were those days were Edward wasn't Edward. Edward had always been angsty and angry, but I thought that he was hot and edgy. Of course, I didn't know it was what it truly was.

Edward would have days where he would just ignore me and not call or show up to school. The next day he would be filled with sadness or be overly angry.

He took that anger out on me.

I was in deep.

I was seventeen.

I was scared.

I was looking for an outlet.

And I was in love with him.

**Hmmm, not what I expected either. Review, please. **


	3. Frustration

**Nothing to say, really. Just review, please. **

I growled in frustration. This was probably the longest day in the history of my life in Forks…which was about the extent of three days, give or take.

I had moved here just three days before to live with my father Charlie because my excuse of a mother wanted to "travel."

Sure. Yeah, I'm pretty sure she just wanted to be with her new baseball player of the month…without me.

Don't get me wrong. I loved my mother, but she hadn't been much of a mother lately. Or ever, really.

I shook my head. Not gonna think about that right now. I didn't need that crap.

I shut my eyes and tried to think of something else.

This, of course, is where we got into dangerous territory.

My mind instantly went to Edward Cullen.

Edward flippin' Cullen.

God, he was gorgeous and smart and funny and a total and complete ass. He was the biggest player to ever grace these school ground, apparently.

He went out with everyone…well, not so much as went out as just used them for sex.

And who could blame him? He could have anyone he wanted with just a snap of his too beautiful fingers.

He had bronze messy hair that fell into his face that was constantly pushed back with his left hand. What I wouldn't give to be his left hand when he did that.

He was lanky, but not in a bad way and he wore his jeans just low enough that I could see the "V" shape his hips took.

He was brooding and dark one minute and then, happy and joyful the next.

But…his eyes are what got me. He had the greenest eyes I think I'd ever seen. They were like the seasons. They'd change to dark when he was angry or upset. They would be the lightest green when he was just being and oh, God- I was a stalker. An official stalker.

Who observed that much about one person in a matter of three days?

Oh, yeah, me.

I sighed deeply and shouldered my heavy backpack.

I tripped my way towards my beat up Chevy and dropped my back in the passenger seat.

Something caught my eye and an involuntary sigh came from my mouth.

Edward.

He was leaning against his Volvo with Jessica and Lauren hanging on him.

I looked down for a moment. Who was I kidding? He would never notice. No one ever would.

I took one more glance, but this time when I did Edward's sea green eyes locked with my brown ones.

My breath caught. Oh God.

He didn't look away and I couldn't make myself look away either.

Lauren started tugging on his shirt to get his attention.

He gaze never drifted from mine. Finally, I had to glance away or I was going to cry.

Why did I want to cry? He was just like any other guy who didn't notice me. Which was just about every guy.

But…I was lying to myself. Edward was not like other guys. He was much too beautiful and good for what he was doing.

I peeked up again at him to see that he was still staring at me.

I blushed and got into my truck. I had to get away.

I wheeled out of the parking lot, trying not to look at Edward.

He probably thought I was a freak. A freak that spent her days staring at him. A freak whose days were only bearable because she saw him every day. A freak who was totally obsessed.

I pulled into my father's driveway and slouched through the door.

I slammed my backpack on the table in frustration and anger. It wasn't fair.

I laughed bitterly.

"Life's not fair," I whispered.

**We got a bit of angst goin on:) Reviewit. **


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